One of my nieces sent me this beautiful arrangement because
On Dec 20 God called Richard.home
The hardest day in my life
I held his hand for 2 hrs as he passed during active dying stage
Not peaceful as they make you think
He was shaking in pain and rolling his eyes and trying to talk as I tried to let him know it was OK
I had given meds, nurse gave meds, no matter what he had terminal anxiety
My last images......ugh
I hope he is at peace and through suffering
The cat is lost
House has been rearranged so many times
People in and out
Dropping off things
Picking up hospice beds and things
Etc
Such a crazy Christmas time
One I certainly won't forget very soon
Everyone has been so sweet
Inviting me here and there
But I think I just want to be alone
Alone to grieve
To feel his presence here
To just be
No fake smiles
No watching others be happy
No unnatural sleepovers etc
As others try to keep me from being alone
I am sad
Not depressed Not suicidal
I just need space
Is that weird?
Everyone seems to think I am not thinking straight
I think I am where I need to be
Oh that is not weird at all; exactly how I felt when I lost my Mom-- and how my Mom said she felt after we lost Dad--you need to not feel as if you have to make conversation--nice as people may be; not have to do anything but feel your feelings of loss....
ReplyDeleteJust to be....
my hugs and prayers go out to you
Love ya Julierose
Dawn! You're so brave! God bless you in every way.
ReplyDeleteYour dear husband is not suffering any more.
If it helps, I've lost loved ones too and I understand your need for quiet.
One day our Father in heaven will swallow up death forever.
And we will rejoice in his salvation forever.
I'm so sorry. I think it makes perfect sense to want to be alone and process what has happened. I'm here if you ever need me for anything. Much love and hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteeveryone grieves in their own way...take all the time you need and maybe more and don't apologize to anyone...
ReplyDelete